in defense of Blair Waldorf
on covert aggression, the audience effect, and climbing the social hierarchy
After watching the interview of Blake Lively and Parker Posey, I can’t help but notice how covert aggression and audience-dependent behaviors emerge as forces shaping our societal dynamics. These behaviors, subtle yet impactful, often escape immediate recognition, challenging us on both a personal and collective level.
I realized that the way I find inspiration to write comes from a communal end goal. How can I connect this thing happening in pop-culture to our collective energy as a whole or how can I connect this historic happening to society’s behavior today? Apparently, that is considered as sociology and despite me not having formal education in sociology, I research what I can to make sense of it all.
I was interested in exploring these complexities, intrigued to learn how covert aggression and audience-dependent behavior redefine our social frameworks and personal experiences.
That Was Weird
Have you ever had a conversation with someone where the connection felt genuine, even leaving you feeling proud for letting your guard down? Yet, in a group setting with that same person, you suddenly find yourself the target of jokes or unexpected scrutiny. It's in these moments that you realize the true nature of the people you’re dealing with.
For me, I’ve encountered this in both professional and informal settings. To this day, I’m still learning the best ways to deal with this type of behavior because where I’m from, people are much more direct, whether right or wrong, regardless of the environment.
When people are trying to climb a social hierarchy, there’s a level of covert aggression they begin to assert on others around them. It’s like an urge to humiliate. Covert aggression operates subtly, using manipulative communication that can undermine others while projecting innocence.1 This innocence is what I find to be key in this topic. Meanwhile, audience-dependent behavior or audience effects involves shifting your actions based on who is watching, leading to interesting and confusing social interactions.2
For many of us who have been subjected to such interactions, this erodes trust and open communication, leaving us cautious about certain group interactions. We’ve seen it unfold in many of our favorite storylines.
The Regina George Trope
In "Mean Girls," Regina George represents both behaviors, maintaining a friendly persona while engaging in subtle put-downs that shift depending on her audience—whether she's with her clique or in front of teachers. While Regina is the most obvious choice, every character in the film could be seen as a "mean girl" in their own unique way. In the real world, a Regina George doesn't have to be the most popular person; it could be anyone quietly aspiring to be so.
Much like the peaked in high school categorization of weird behavior, there’s also “peaked in college”, and then there are those who were unpopular in high school and abuse any bit of authority or popularity they manage to gain as an adult. This is why I find categorizing people in this way quite silly because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter who you were in high school or college, you can still end up being this person.
Toni Hated Joan
In the TV show "Girlfriends", Toni Childs exhibits covert aggression through her behavior towards her friends, particularly Joan. Although Toni is often depicted as a loyal friend, her behavior undermines and belittle those around her, especially when it comes to their achievements or relationships.
She often uses backhanded compliments, passive-aggressive remarks, and subtle put-downs to assert her superiority or to mask her own insecurities. For instance, Toni might congratulate Joan on an achievement, but then immediately follow it with a comment that diminishes its importance or suggests it was due to luck rather than skill. Toni maintains a position of perceived superiority within her friend group but only due to the efforts of her strategically undermining them.
In my experience, I’ve witnessed people do this using other people as a crutch for the insult as well. For example, talking about something you have accomplished by bringing up someone else’s negative comment about it. Even if the other person’s comment wasn’t actually negative, they’ll take it out of context to try and humble you while also insulting your intelligence.
“Such and such said blank about (accomplishment). What? You didn’t catch that, yeah it was so shady.” Then repeats the comment with more emphasis.
Blair vs. Serena
Blair Waldorf's reputation for being openly cruel and judgmental is well-established. If something happened between another character and Blair on “Gossip Girl”, the other character as well as the viewer knew Blair was coming for them. Her aggression is direct and intentional, especially toward those outside her close-knit circle.
The upfront honesty about her nature, often embracing the label of being a "bitch," still earns her a level of respect. Blair's consistent behavior offers a clear understanding of who she is, allowing people to navigate accordingly. Her authenticity ensures that her relationships, while tumultuous, are built on a foundation of known expectations and transparency.
Conversely, Serena van der Woodsen's charm and seemingly polite demeanor mask a more subtle form of aggression. Her actions often come with plausible deniability, hidden behind a facade of niceness or masked as unintended mistakes. While Serena's intentions might appear less cruel on the surface, the inconsistency between who she claims to be and what she does results in a perceived lack of authenticity. For her relationships, it invites skepticism from those who might otherwise be drawn to her charismatic presence.
I find that the backstory and family drama for both Serena and Blair plays a role on their aggression and how it manifests. Both girls, in my opinion, appear to be broken-hearted and misunderstood, often being betrayed by the people they’ve become most vulnerable with—adding on to the level on loneliness they already felt deep down. I call this love-deficient. So for that I can’t put one character over another, I can only say who I would prefer in my life hypothetically. And that would be Blair.
Explaining This
It’s hard to navigate these types of social attacks because when you communicate them to other people it’s usually met with invalidation.
Kay Poyer made a really great point about this when sharing her thoughts on the Blake Lively and Parker Posey interview:
The most insidious part about being treated that way as a kid by like a group of mean girls is that you go home and tell your parents, “Oh these girls were all being really mean to me today.” And your parents say “Oh, what did they do?” And you’re like, “Well, they didn’t really say anything and they were just talking, but I just knew how I felt.” And that’s always the line that your parents are like, “It sounds like you’re being sensitive.”
And by the way, this isn’t just a feminine issue. This behavior happens in the workplace all the time by men, especially if they’re in some sort of ass kissing corporate clique. It’s why so many of us prefer to work from home.
This impact could also be deeply rooted in the struggle to articulate the nature of these social attacks, which could lead to self-doubt and a diminished sense of self-worth. When people face dismissive responses like being labeled overly sensitive, it further complicates their ability to trust their own perceptions and feelings. It not only isolates the person on the receiving end of shady behavior, but also reinforces a cycle of silence.
Thank you for reading.
https://survivednation.com/psychology/covert-aggression-understanding-subtle-manipulation-in-relationships-society/
https://academic.oup.com/beheco/article/16/6/1025/216546?login=false
I was let’s a day a religious viewer of gossip girl when it first came out on TV. And I could never understand why I was so drawn to Blair’s character when I was the complete opposite of her (introverted, nerdy, severely shy, and bookish) and everyone of my fitness seemed to love Serena. Now looking back, I think I admire Blair (50% of the time because let’s be real they were all were rich and mean and I was definitely not rich and would r do half of they did) because she would speak up her mind and I always desperately wanted to have the guts to do that.