The word "ditzy" is a weighted term with layers of underlying and internalized misogyny. Where quick wit and instant comebacks are regarded as respectable and intelligent, women with delayed emotional responses are often mislabeled as such. This oversimplifies, like most things these days, what IS regarded as intelligence and emotional depth. Then there’s the women who are perceived as ditzy for being conventionally attractive or finding interest in things like beauty.
Elle Woods
Elle Woods, the main character in Legally Blonde, is initially perceived as a quintessential "ditzy" blonde when she follows her ex-boyfriend Warner to Harvard Law School in an attempt to win him back. In the movie, her bubbly personality and background as a sorority president majoring in fashion merchandising contribute to this stereotype.
With her pink, feminine style starkly contrasting the traditional Harvard atmosphere, Elle faces skepticism and condescension from peers and professors who assume she lacks the intellectual rigor required for law. With determination, Elle defies this. She proves herself to be an excellent and capable law student, ultimately winning a high-profile murder case.
I love Elle’s story because her journey indicates the importance of resilience and self-belief while under unfair judgement.
Delayed Emotional Response
A delayed emotional response, sometimes referred to as emotional delay or emotional minimizing, occurs when there is a postponed or subdued reaction to a stimulus or event. This can manifest in various ways, such as taking hours, days, or even longer to process and express emotions following a triggering moment.
The causes of delayed emotional responses vary. I personally don’t think everything always has to be attributed to a mental disorder but there are some that have been linked to it.
ADHD and autism spectrum disorders often involve atypical brain functioning that affects emotional processing, leading to delays in expression. Trauma and PTSD also can contribute significantly.
People who have experienced traumatic events may exhibit delayed emotional responses as a coping mechanism to protect themselves from overwhelming emotions. Dissociation can cause people to disconnect from their feelings, resulting in muted or delayed reactions.1
Additionally, stress may contribute to delayed emotional responses. Under these conditions, the brain may take longer to process emotional stimuli.
Symptoms and signs of delayed emotional response include difficulty expressing emotions in real-time, flat affect, limited emotional range, delayed emotional expression after the triggering event, trouble empathizing with others’ emotions, and changes in behavior such as avoidance or increased irritability.2
People with delayed emotional responses are particularly vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Manipulators may exploit their slower reaction times to gain the upper hand, using emotional tactics without immediate pushback. This can also lead to pressures in decision-making situations, where quick choices are demanded before emotions are fully processed.
In the workplace, their cautious approach might be seen as a lack of initiative, affecting career advancement. During negotiations or conflicts, those with quicker responses can dominate, reacting faster and more decisively.
Manipulative individuals often use gaslighting to make the person doubt their perceptions or emotions. Boundary violations are another risk, as offenders might push limits, knowing there won't be an immediate objection or expression of discomfort. These are some of my least favorite types of people.
Social Media Discourse
A long time ago, someone on TikTok talked about a realization she had regarding her delayed responses to passive aggressive attacks. I would like to link her video but I can’t remember her username and I seen the video almost two years ago. All I remember is she was a pretty black woman and she was wearing a white robe. Nonetheless, this video in particular allowed me to put a name to what I’ve experienced myself.
In the video, she explained how she would not catch on to such attacks because her mind doesn’t automatically go to negativity. Then she’ll realize it days, weeks, or even months later. More simply put, she doesn’t register snarky comments because why would people be snarky for no reason? And that my friends, is a question I would love to be answered.
You often hear people say, “I could never let someone say that to me.” “Why would you let that slide?” It baffles me how people use these moments of vulnerability to feel superior. I thought it was apparent that all humans didn’t operate the same.
I often wonder whether there’s a time limit on addressing past issues without being seen as irrational. Is it worth confronting something if there's a high chance of being gaslit? Should we suppress our feelings, risking future resentment and frustration? Or is it better to simply distance ourselves as much possible?
Well, it depends.
Awkward Timing
There's no specific timeframe for when it’s "too late" to address something after experiencing a delayed emotional response.
Generally, addressing issues sooner rather than later is preferable, as delays can make solving the issue more challenging. The context is important; consider the specific situation, the people involved, and the potential impact of raising the issue after some time has passed.
Weigh the benefits of addressing the issue against any potential negative consequences of the delay. If uncertain, seek advice from mental health professionals.
I personally think if you discuss this with a friend or family member and you have hopes of resolving it, it should be someone unbiased and isn’t frequently around the other person. But now as an almost 29 year old, I’d rather confide in a spiritual advisor, psychologist, or even Chat GBT in those cases. But that’s just me.
If addressing the issue will likely lead to positive change or personal growth, it's likely worth bringing up, regardless of the time that has passed.
For any of my girlies experiencing this, remember that your worth is not diminished by the timing of your emotions. Please embrace your life experiences with grace and self-compassion, knowing that delayed reactions do not define your strength or your wisdom.
https://mavamedical.com/delayed-emotional-response/
https://faithbehavioralhealth.com/why-do-i-have-a-delayed-emotional-response/